


Do I have my tongue?

by QueenXIV



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: And Victor gotta be his daddy, It's kinda shit, M/M, This is a crack-ish thing that came to my mind at 4 am, Wow that sounded dirty, Yuri is just there for support, Yuuri got his wisdom teeth removed and now he high as a kite, and camera work, and now it's 5 am so yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 17:25:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9395621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenXIV/pseuds/QueenXIV
Summary: “Hey, Victor, hey.” Yuuri slurred, looking deadly serious. “Do I have my tongue?”Basically, this is a crack story in which Yuuri gets his wisdom teeth removed, thus gets high as a kite. Hilarity ensues. It's 5 am, forgive me for this.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Helloooo so It's exam week for me and I can't sleep because my timetables are all messed up now so yeah, idea I got watching hilarious videos of people high after getting their wisdom teeth removed. Never had mine removed, not yet at least... I hope never, dentists are my boggarts. 
> 
> Well, I hope you like this stupid fic or at least makes you laugh!

Victor yawned, stretching his arms, looking at the clock again. It had already been an hour since they called Yuuri, it couldn’t be long till he was done. They had gone to the hospital to get Yuuri’s wisdom teeth removed after they had started bothering him so much that they kept him and Victor awake at nights. 

“Mr. Nikiforov?” Victor’s head shot up and he walked towards the nurse with a smile. “Mr. Katsuki is done already, have you got anyone to help you taking him to your car?” 

“Yeah! Yeah, a friend is coming now.” Right on cue an angry and annoyed Yuri entered the waiting room and stomped towards Victor. 

“Is Katsudon done?” 

“Yes, I’m gonna get him, you wait here.” 

While on the way towards Yuuri, the nurse told him how to take care of his, now probably delirious, Yuuri and what they should do for the next weeks. What Victor certainly didn’t expect was for Yuuri to be so… Well, out of it. When he entered the room, Yuuri was still laying down, his hands roaming around his tummy while he was staring expectantly at it. The nurse just giggled at the sight, while Victor approached his fiancé with a smile. 

“Hey, solnyshko, how are you feeling?” Victor said, caressing the bangs out of Yuuri’s eyes. The Japanese man looked up at Victor surprised, like he was seeing the sun for the first time. 

“Victor…” He murmured. Then one of his hands left his stomach and travelled to touch Victor’s cheek, who just smiled sweetly and took Yuuri’s hand. “You’re real…” His speech sounded slurred due to the cotton balls he had in his mouth, and it reminded Victor of the first time they met. 

“Yes, of course I’m real. Do you wanna go home?”

“Home…?” 

“Yes home, to our apartment.” Victor was trying hard to keep his grin at bay but it was just too fun. Yuuri gasped and covered his mouth with his hands. 

“Our apartment…? Woah….” He really looked fascinated as he stared at Victor, his brown eyes wide as saucers. Victor chuckled and with the nurse’s help he got Yuuri up in wobbly legs. His fiancé clung to him like a koala and nuzzled his face in the crook of his neck while moaning quite dirtily. The nurse blushed like crazy and quickly adverted her eyes from them. Victor just smiled at her apologetically and tried to get Yuuri to walk towards the waiting room. 

“C’mon Yuuri… Don’t moan like that, what happens?” Then Yuuri stopped abruptly and his fingers travelled up to his mouth, where Victor was quick to stop them before he actually got them inside. 

“Hey, Victor, hey.” Yuuri slurred, looking deadly serious. “Do I have my tongue?” 

Victor had to actually try hard not to laugh; instead he just smiled at nodded, while trying to get Yuuri moving again. 

“Yes, Yuuri, you have your tongue.” Yuuri didn’t look very convinced but he followed the Russian man towards the waiting room, where Yuri was waiting impatiently. The blond scoffed when he saw the couple arriving, Yuuri hanging off Victor like a monkey from a branch. 

“The pig is all drugged up.” Yuri snorted, earning a glare from Victor. Yuuri pouted and moaned again. 

“Aw Yuuuuuuuuuuuriooooo why you gotta be so meaaaaaaaaan? He called me a pig Victor!!! But I loooooove him……. Or do I? ‘Cause he hurts my feelings and I don’t like that…. Aw Victor, I don’t know if I love Yurio… But he’s our son……” 

“I’m not your son dumb ass.” 

“But I gave birth to yooooou!” By then Victor was openly laughing and Yuri was as red as the communist flag. Yuuri kept hanging off Victor, his head lolling from side to side. 

“No you did not!”

“Come on, come on, let’s get him to the car. You’ll stay on the back seats with him.” Victor urged Yuri to help him carry the drugged man, both of them managing to get him outside even though Yuuri kept stopping every now and then. 

“EH? I gotta whip his spit or what? Why can’t I sit on the front seat?” 

“Because he is gonna touch his mouth if someone is not watching him. We gotta be careful. Why did you think I wanted you here?” 

“I dunno, to see this stupid spectacle, maybe? As if I needed any more blackmailing…” Yuri scoffed, but he slid into the back of the car, where Yuuri was toying with the seatbelt. When the Japanese man noticed that Victor wouldn’t be sitting next to him he started moaning once again, the cottons almost falling out of his mouth. 

“Noooooooooooooo, Victooooooor, I waaaaant you with meeeeeeeeeee. Yurioooo is so meaaaaan, he calleeeed me pig. I’m not faaaaat…. Am I fat Victor…?” Victor turned around on his seat and grabbed Yuuri’s hands, who had again started travelling to his mouth. 

“No, Yuuri, you’re not fat. You’re perfect.” 

“I am fat….. I think you got me pregnaaaaaant.” That statement got both Russians gasping for breath in their laughter, while Yuuri started rubbing his tummy again like he had been doing in the hospital. “Victoooooor, we’re gonnaaa be pareeeents!” 

“Yes, solnyshko, we’re gonna be parents. Put on your seatbelt, come on, you’ll be better lying down on our bed.”

“Yeeeeeesssss, let’s go to beed Victoooooor. You can get me pregnant again…”

“Oh my God, you two are disgusting.” Yuri gagged, while strapping Yuuri’s belt because he was obviously not going to do it. “I don’t understand it, when my grandfather got his wisdom teeth out he was not like that. Are you sure he did not get drunk in there?” 

Victor just smiled and stared at Yuuri from the rear-view mirror, who was currently amazed by the fact that he could get the window up and down. They passed ten minutes in relative calm, with Yuuri attentively staring at Victor through the mirror, chewing on the cottons slowly. And then, out of the blue, he started crying. It was not soft crying, it was full-blown wailing, with tears and snot, the cottons in a precarious position on his lips. Yuri, with disgust etched on his face, tried to put them back in, while Victor tried to calm Yuuri with words. 

“Hey, hey, Yuuri, my love, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” But Yuuri would just babble something intelligible and continue crying. Thankfully the journey was quite short and they arrived at the apartment soon enough. Yuuri was still wailing and crying while Yuri and Victor helped him get up the stairs to their floor, because, of course the lift was broken. 

Victor got Yuuri to the sofa and took the bloodied and spit-y cottons out of his mouth, wiping away the snot and tears. Yuri watched from afar the scene: gosh, if that was like having a baby, he did not want to have babies. Victor continued to whisper soothing words, until Yuuri started shaking his head. 

“I am just so happy….” He finally managed to babble out. “I love you Victor, I wanna marry you, -and-and-and have babies…. A-and I thought I-I would… That you-you would never l-love me and I loved you since you were young and gosh, your hair was soooo long, Victor I love you so much. We have an apartment, and oh-oh Makkachin!!! I love Makkachin so much. I really really love him, Victor…” 

“I know you do, I know you do. Makkachin and I love you too, Yuuri. But don’t speak so much, you’re still bleeding!” 

“Bleeding?! Where?!” and then Yuuri started searching for an imaginary wound in his body. Victor and Yuri couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh Victor…. Vi-victor…. I feel… My mouth feels weird. Is there something inside?” 

“No, no, but you got your wisdom teeth out, that’s why.” 

“My wisdom teeth?” His eyes opened like saucers but then they narrowed suspiciously. “No…. No way… Does that mean that now… I’m stupid?” 

“Stupid! NO! No, why would you be stupid?” Victor managed to choke out. Yuri was wheezing on the floor, crying from laughter. 

“Cause they took my wisdom! I wanna get it back!” 

“Your wisdom teeth Yuuri, not your wisdom. Come on, let’s go to bed.” Victor tried to get him up but Yuuri chucked (sloppily) a cushion at him. 

“No! No! I don’t want to have sex now!” 

“We are not going to have sex! You need to rest!” 

“Where is Makkachin? MAKKAAAAAAA.” 

“Ssssh, Makkachin is with Mila today, she’s taking care of him okay? Until you are better.”

“I’m good, I feel fine. Are you not fine? You look fine to me! You are so beautiful Victor…. Do you wanna be my coach?…. I wanna go ice skating.” 

Victor snorted and grabbed Yuuri, hoisting him up and walking to the bedroom, Yuri following the spectacle still laughing. 

“Uh, I can walk!” Yuuri protested, but still he nuzzled Victor’s neck, humming. 

“I know you can walk, but this is faster. We are not going ice skating until you get better, so you must rest!” 

“Okay… Okay… Do you wanna be my coach Victor? Please!”

“ I am your coach, solnyshko.” Victor chuckled. He figured it would be an impossible mission to get Yuuri into his pyjamas so he just took off his shoes and tucked him in, like he was a kid. 

“Really? You are? Wow…” 

“Yeah, woooow…” Victor kissed Yuuri’s forehead softly and caressed his head. “Now, get some sleep okay?”

“But Makkachin…” 

“Makkachin will be here when you wake up, yeah?” 

“Yeah… Okay…” And just like that the house fell silent, only Yuri’s gasps for breath in his laughter could be heard. Unknown to the couple, the Russian tiger had recorded everything on tape and Yuuri became a viral sensation… Again.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos and comments please, I starve without them!


End file.
